I am sure that you all have asked yourself the
question “Am I too formal/informal?” one time or the other. It's
not always easy to figure out what is right for the moment and it
becomes especially difficult if you aren't writing or talking in your
native language. I am going to write this from the point of view of a
German speaker and for me the lack of “Sie”, “Ihnen”, “Ihr”
and so on and so on, is the first difficulty I encounter when I try
to be formal in English. In English you only use “you” and
“yours” and that in both formal and informal situations. The
first hurdle is now to figure out how to make a difference between
those two ways of talking without constantly stepping on someone’s
toes?
First
of all you should definitely know whom you are talking to, I don't
mean that you have to know if they are married, have children and
where they live, simply try to be aware of the situation you are in.
You should probably figure out if you are talking to a friend or not,
if you are talking to a person who is at work and needs to be
professional, someone who has a higher status, is quite a bit older
than you or just does not like you enough to let you become informal
with them. Now that you know what you are dealing with the rest
shouldn't be as hard, should it? But what do you do if you would
normally say “Verzeihen Sie mir, aber könnten Sie mir bitte
helfen?” or “Entschuldigen Sie, könnten Sie mir vielleicht
sagen, wer hierfür zuständig ist?”? One possibility would be
“Sorry but could you help me?” and “Sorry but who is in charge
of this?”. I seriously hope you won't talk to anyone like that if
you have to be formal though but rather like this, “Excuse me but
could you please help me?” and “Excuse me but do you, by any
chance, know who is in charge of this?”. Sounds better, doesn't it?
I am certainly not an expert on this topic (yet) but I would still go
with the second pair of questions.
Talking
and writing formally isn't the only thing you should know about
though. While I have been roaming around the internet and have been
chatting with some people from America and Canada something caught my
eye. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that some
people are just more open when writing or if it has something to do
with their heritage but they seemed to be much more friendly and open
than I would be. For example, when I write someone for the first time
I am rather reserved and try to not offend and to not make any
mistakes which makes my language a hint more formal even though I am
in an informal environment. It is like I am still trying to keep my
distance while trying to be polite in an informal way. The people
that answered me would call me “friend” or “sweetheart” much
earlier than I would. So to not offend someone with your way of
talking you have to be aware of where they come from because their
attitude towards what you say can differ from yours, just like the
way you greet someone. Some people bow, some shake their hands, some
just smile and it all has to do with where they where brought up,
where they live and what their traditions are.
So
besides knowing some grammar and vocabulary in a language, especially
in an other one than your first, it's also crucial to know whom you
are talking to and in what situation you are in right now. Even if
you know all the grammar and know a massive amount of words, you
probably will step on someone's toes and offend them if you are not
aware that there is more to communication and more to formal and
informal language than simple rules.
Observe, ask, make mistakes
and learn from them, all that will help you to have a conversation
without having to constantly ask yourself if you are doing well or
not. I have to admit though, figuring out when to use what kind of
language is trick and I suspect that it will get easier with the
years and some practice.